I recently received the following question from one of my regular blog readers. It is one of those things that we don't often think about until they happen -- those really tough questions from our kids:
"I enjoy your
website! I have a question for you. My five year old is starting to ask some of
lifes difficult questions such as "why is my cousin not living with her
daddy anymore"? which leads to "what is divorce"? We had a family pet die recently, which came
the next question "Mommy are you going to die"? "Where do babies come from"? And like most five year olds one question
leads to another. My daughter is very
sensitive to some of these subjects, and I honestly feel some of the subjects
are very difficult for her to understand. Do you have any advice…" Deanna
Questions about where babies come from. Boy, I bet you didn't think your five year old would be asking about this! I know I wasn't! With this question as well, I don't know that there is right or wrong answer. From a developmental stand point, I'm not sure how much a five year old would understand about the anatomy of childbirth nor how appropriate it would be to share with them. It can be a little scary for some kids to think about something coming out of them! I wouldn't advise telling a child that babies are "delivered by the stork" or any nonsense like that. They are going to find out one way or another as they get older. You can start laying a foundation for when they are developmentally ready for "the talk." Our son was quite inquisitive about this and asked this question around the same age. I had a c-section with both him and his sister so we told him that he and his sister grew inside my belly and that because they were so big, the doctors had to take them out. That satisfied him and he returned to his regular routine at the time. I, of course, gave a huge sigh of relief that the questioning stopped!
Here are just a few things to keep in mind when faced with tough questions from your kids:
- Don’t avoid. Remember that kids are trying to figure out their world and that if we don't give them the answers, they find it out on their own which can ultimately lead to them being misinformed. So don't ignore the questions or be evasive in answering them. You want to lay a foundation for your kids that you are willing and able to talk about the tough subjects. Think ahead to the future! If you demonstrate this willingness now, hopefully your child will feel comfortable coming to you as a teen when the questions get REALLY tough!
- Be honest. Keep in mind that if you are not, you will have to explain later on why you told them something that was inaccurate.
- Take some time. If you aren't sure how to answer the question, ask them for some time to think about it. Kids this age are very understanding. Feel free to tell them that you want to answer that question but need some time to think about it. This gives you some time to think about and plan the best response for you and your child.
- Be prepared. If your child hasn't yet asked any of these tough questions, you have time to prepare! Consider how you want address tough topics. Discuss them with your spouse, friends or family. Find out from other parents that you respect, how they handled the tough questions. This way, when the tough questions come, you will be ready for them!
Fantastic question, Deanna! I hope that you find this information helpful. I'm sure that you will navigate these tough questions just fine :)
Do you have a question you would like answered? Click on the "Contact Me" button on the home page and forward me your questions. I'd be glad to give it a go!