The Mentor Mom

What we can learn from the Dog Whisperer

I was up late the other night watching The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel.  For those of you who are unfamiliar, Cesar Milan is a dog behavior specialist.  He has been called the Dr. Phil for dogs.  He works with dogs with behavioral disorders and their owners and he is amazing at what he does.

So why am I blogging about the Dog Whisperer?  Well as I watched him work with an extremely aggressive pit bull and her owners, I aw that some of his techniques and philosophies applied to teaching children.  Now don't get all offended, I'm not saying that kids are animals or dog like.  Rather, I am saying that the techniques to modify maladaptive behavior whether it be in a child, adult or an animal are very similar.    Here's his philosphy:

"In the wild, a dog's very survival depends on a strong, stable and organized pack, where every member knows its place and follows the rules established by the pack leader. The pack instinct is perhaps the strongest natural motivator for a dog.

Cesar Millan teaches that, in order to properly fulfill both our dogs and ourselves, we need to become our canine's calm, assertive pack leaders. A dog that doesn't trust its human to be a good pack leader becomes unbalanced and often exhibits unwanted or anti-social behaviors. Cesar does not "train" dogs in the sense of teaching them commands like "sit, stay, come, heel."  Rather, he rehabilitates unbalanced dogs and helps "re-train" their owners to better understand how to see the world through a dog's eyes.  Sounds a lot like parent coaching!

Cesar counsels people to calmly, assertively, and consistently give their dogs rules, boundaries and limitations to establish themselves as solid pack leaders and to help correct and control unwanted behavior. He doesn't believe in "quick fixes," even though changing some behaviors can appear to happen in a relatively short period of time. None of those changes will "stick," however, unless the human acts consistently with his/her dog every day to keep unwanted behaviors from returning. In Cesar's opinion, no one should ever hit or yell at a dog to correct unwanted behavior." - from http://www.dogpsychologycenter.com/dpc-philosophy.php

Now think about this in terms of your family and child.  What kind of pack leader are you?  Please post your thoughts and comments...I'd love to hear from you! 

And for more on Cesar Milan and The Dog Whisper, go to http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/dogwhisperer/.   For the record, I don't know Cesar Milan or work for the National Geographic Channel :)

Originally posted on July 23, 2006 on www.minti.com

You get what you give...

You know, over the years I have had the opportunity to speak to many parent groups and organizations.  I am most frequently sought out to discuss discipline techniques.  I am always thrilled to share tips and strategies with parents to help them feel more confident as parents which ultimately translates to happier families. 

While most of those in attendance at these events are willing students in that they are open to trying something different to address their child's behavior problems, there are always at least one or two who can give every reason in the book why the techniques will not work for their child.  Things such as:

• My child is different
• I've tried that and it didn't work.
• Nothing affects my kid.

And the list could go on and on.  I've gotta tell you that I am a big believer in the effect of positive and negative energy.  I want to say to these parents that if you believe it won't work, it won't.  Simple as that.  You get what you give.  If you don't believe in the techniques that you are using, neither will your kids.  They are like dogs -- they can sense fear or, in the case of parenting, lack of confidence (or maybe it is fear in some cases!).  When you believe you can do it, so will they. 

I often find that those parents who are in this mind state are lacking tools.  Most of you have watched Supernanny, right?  We see parents who are overwhelmed and hopeless in the beginning.  As Jo works with the parents, she gives them tools, tips and suggestions on how to manage behaviors.  As the parents implement these changes with her supervision and feedback, their confidence level begins to increase.  As their confidence increases, their children's behavior changes accordingly.

I've worked with many parents who are feeling hopeless.  Some parents are able to find support in family and friends, while others reach out for external support from a parent coach such as myself.  Whatever the situation, it is essential to start filling that parenting toolbox and have individuals who can be there to provide emotional support and guidance through the process of change. 

And that's really what it is, right?  Change.  It is such a simple word and concept, but yet it is so hard to do.  If change were easy, no one would be overweight, do drugs or smoke, eh?  Change requires sticking to it and that means for longer than just two weeks.  If you want to see change, you need to make a commitment to do it for an extended period of time until it becomes habit.  Some research indicates that this usually occurs after six weeks.  Doesn't sound like a long time, but it is when we are talking about changing the way we respond to our kids challenging behaviors. 

So, my challenge to those of you who have been struggling with discipline is to consider what you are giving?  Are you exuding confidence or exasperation?   If it is the latter, how are you going to change your energy level?  What supports do you need?  How hard are you willing to work to change?  Post your thoughts and comments!

Next time, we will talk more about positive and negative energies by looking at the Dog Whisperer...

Aaaahhh, Sundays...