The Mentor Mom

Got a Debbie Downer in your household?

Have you ever been around someone who ALWAYS has some sort of bad news to share?  It's like they suck the life out of the room.  As adults, we can usually avoid these types, but what do you do if they live in your house?

I know a mom who struggles with this with her young son.  It starts in the morning.  When asked what kinds of things he will be doing in school, it is always about a test, project or interaction with peers that is going to go badly.  When asked about his day after school, it's more of the same, e.g., "It was a horrible day" or "It was the worst day of my life." 

This little boy was a "the glass if half empy" kinda kid.  What a sad and depressing way to go through life!  His mother, determined to raise an optimist, not a pessimist, got busy.  She started strategizing ways to encourage her son to look at the positives rather than the negatives.  Here's what she did:

• She would ask him every morning what he was most looking forward to at school.  If he couldn't come up with anything, she would tell him that she was going to ask him again the next day.  She continued to ask him this question every morning.  Eventually, her son was able to tell her about things he liked at school.
• At the end of the day, she would ask him what the best thing that happened at school was that day.  She used the same strategy if he was unable to answer.  Again, we was eventually able to tell her at least one thing.  The bonus for her was that she learned a lot more about what was going on at school and understand her son's strengths and where he struggled.
• She gave lots of positive reinforcement when he mentioned positive things, e.g., "That's great!" or
  "You must have been so proud of yourself."
• She ignored Debbie Downer comments. She knew that when there is no payoff for a behavior, the behavior will diminish.

While continuing to try to ignore as much as the pessimistic attitude as possible, there were certainly situations that came up that were negative, but that needed to be discussed.  For example, a disagreement with friends.  Rather than feeding in on her son's view on the situation, she guided him through the use of pointed questions to try to help him learn from the situation.

 For example, when he would tell her what he said, if she thought the comment was snarky or possibly out of line, rather than giving her opinion, she would ask him the friend's response, what kind of look did they have on their face, what he would do differently next time, etc.  She tried to guide him to understand his friends body language.  By using pointed questions in this way, she was encouraging learning so that her little guy would be more likely to remember these points the next time he had a disagreement.

The mother's efforts eventually started to pay off in that her son's pessimistic attitude eventually started to turn around.  I'm happy to report that the little guy in question has grown into a happy, energetic and "the glass is half full" young adult!

Do you have a Debbie Downer living in your household?  What things have you tried to turn your pessimist into an optimist?  Share you thoughts...and for those of you who are unfamiliar with Debbie Downer, check out this video -- it's a hoot!

I hate grocery shopping...well, at least I used to.

I hate grocery shopping.  That's right, I hate grocery shopping.  I'm not ashamed to say it.  Spending all that time thinking about menus, creating a shopping list, going to the store, fighting the crowds and then coming home to unload the car and put it all away is one of my very least favorite things on this earth to do followed closely by picking up dog poop and doing the laundry. 

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the satisfaction of seeing a full frig and having a hidden stash of chocolate, er, um, I mean knowing that I have all the necessary items to prepare meals for my family.  Did I mention that I hate cooking as well?  Hmmm.  Maybe there is a correlation there?  Anyhow, the process in and of itself is tedious and time consuming.  In retrospect, I wonder how many hours of my life I have spent cruising down the grocery store aisles.  Time I that could have been spent on some more productive activity such as watching re-runs of What Not to Wear or finally getting to that scrapbooking I've said I was going to do for the last seven years.

Well, imagine the joy I experienced one day when I received a glorious announcement in my mailbox.  A card appeared from a local grocery store, Meijer, announcing that they are going to be offering a shopping service via the web at one of their local stores.  What?!  I can do my grocery shopping on line?!  I felt as if I had won the lotto!  I told friends and relatives about it.  Of course, not having the aversion to shopping that I do, they balked at the idea of shopping on line as well as paying the $6.95 fee.  I thought they were crazy.  I would gladly pay someone to do my shopping!

Then I got to thinking, maybe they are right.  Maybe this is too good to be true.  There was only one way to find out -- give it a go.  So I did.  I gathered up the store flier from the Sunday paper and went on-line.  I was pleased to find that the sales in store were reflected on-line by the designation "Weekly Ad" next to the item.  (It should be noted, however, that the sales price is not reflected when the item is placed in your shopping cart.  The correct prices are reflected on your finally receipt received upon pick up of the items.)  I happily entered items into my shopping cart.  I was impressed by the variety available on-line thus allowing me to choose from name brands and a variety of lower cost brands.

It took a bit of getting used to, but it was fairly easy navigating around the site.  I must say it was nice being able to see the ongoing tally as opposed to trying to keep a ballpark figure in my head as to what I was spending.  Some of you may be wondering about substitutions.  You do have the option of indicating no substitution, substitute with any brand, etc.   More on that in a minute.

After filling my cart, I placed the order on hold using my credit card.  There was an area for special instructions where I chose to have my items put in paper bags versus plastic.  The final task was to select a pick up time.  The earliest available was 6:00 p.m. which was fine with me.  In addition, I had to provide my contact info as well as my vehicles make and model. The whole process took about 30 minutes.  I'm sure given regular use, I can really cut that time down.  Did I mention that I was in my pajamas sipping on coffee in my favorite chair while I shopped?

As 6:00 drew nearer, I was surprised and pleased to get a phone call from my personal shopper indicating that they were running a bit behind and wondering if I could come closer to 7:00.  That actually worked well as it allowed me to finish watching a movie with my family.  So, just before seven, I headed out to pick up my groceries, but, oh no, I was using my husband's vehicle!  Would that be a problem?  I called to find out.  The friendly shopper on the other end said "No problem!" and provided me with further instructions, i.e., park on the south side of the parking lot. 

As I pulled in, I panicked a bit wondering if I would be able to find the right "spot" to pick up my groceries.  Not to worry.  There were ample signs indicating where the "Grocery Express" parking was.  As I drew closer to the south of the building, I saw several parking spots with the "Grocery Express" logo.  The signs provided the number to call to inform the shoppers that I was present which I did. 

My shopper, Sara, came out to the car immediately and proceeded to review any and all substitutions in my order.  I had indicated on-line that they could substitute Meijer brand for items that were unavailable which they did in some cases.  After confirming that the substitutions were okay, she went in to get my groceries.  Did I mention I was wearing my cozy clothes which I would never wear in public which includes my very pink and very fuzzy slippers? 

Sara came back out, ran my credit card, gave me my receipt and then loaded my groceries.  I was outta there in less than ten minutes.  I couldn't believe it!  I was so happy with the experience, that I didn't even mind putting all those groceries away!  I've gotta be honest, I was a bit skeptical about this whole on-line shopping thing, but I was pleasantly surprised!  I will absolutely use this service again.  The $6.95 was well worth it to be able to free up my time and reduce my stress level.  I highly recommend it!

Have you done on-line grocery shopping?  What has been your experience?  Do you have any tips to make grocery shopping less time consuming and stressful?  Post your comments!