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dan | Assertiveness Courses

You are absolutely right here. There is so much fear in a person who acts in an aggressive way. Mostly it boils down to the fact that they feel they are not enough. There's an over compensation that means that the people around them are terrified. I often find it's useful to say to this kind of person, "you seem angry". 99% of the time they will cease and desist, the other 1% of the time I'll make my excuses and leave as fast as possible! Thanks, Dan

The Mentor Mom

Great suggestion, Dan! Thanks for the tip ;)

Melissa Barr

I am this way half of the time and the other half semi-assertive. I was talked down to, yelled at, controlled, and abused as a child. So, I know why I am this way after reading this and have been learning about it for a long time. I am feeling the way you described. I do not know how to "feel" better. I am always looking for ways to improve and "FEEL GOOD" inside, feel proud and show LOVE to my family without hurting them by making them feel my pain. I can be in right mind when I have had the time to think about how I should act before hand. I do not always have this luxury when my kids are fighting or throwing toys at each other or me for that matter. I am not tolerant of their frustrations. It makes me feel and become quickly frustrated and feel anxious. My tolerance level is very low for all sorts of situations...unless I become aware before I get sucked into the situation. It's very difficult and I am constantly fighting a battle against myself! How can I be confident and sure of my own decisions and respectful of others when I cannot be sure I am making the right decision at times or that I am thinking rationally. I was raised on yelling and taught I was worthless. It's very hard to break free. I do not know if I will ever be able to be truly happy inside. I will always try though. That's the one thing I have...determination. I love my family and I deserve to be happy!
Thank you for helping me find ways to connect with my family through this website. :)

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