The Mentor Mom

American Academy of Pediatrics recommending Autism screening for toddlers.

While cruising the web today, I noticed this article on MSNBC.  The Americana Academy of Pediatrics are calling for autism screenings for toddlers.  All I can say is IT IS ABOUT TIME!   As an Early Childhood Interventionist, I have met way too many parents over the years who went to their pediatricians with concerns of autism only to be told "Let's wait and see.  Come back and see me if he isn't talking when he turns three." 

Fortunately, many of these parents continued in their quest to get answers and had their children evaluated by their local early intervention program.  As a result, they were able to get much needed early intervention services.  One concern shared in the article is that it may cause many parents to worry about their child being autistic if he or she has one of the "red flags."  I can say that there have been many students evaluated by our early intervention team that presented many characteristics of autism during the evaluation process, but were not autistic at all.  I describe these kids as "quirky kids" as they have different mannerism and social skills but don't quite fit the criteria for autism. 

There is actually a very good book titled Quirky Kids by Perri Klass and Eileen Costello.  It talks about some of these different social interaction patterns and offers insights and suggestions for parents on what to do.  It also offers a great intro to parents on the different types of therapies that are available to children with developmental delays as well as an overview of the process of getting a child evaluated to determine if they are eligible for special education services.

A new resource for parents who are concerned that their child might have autism is AutismSpeaks.  Parents can find videos of children displaying some of the red flags of autism along with a multitude of other information on the subject.  It really is a very informative site.  I am actually very familiar with one of the contributing organizations to the site, First Signs, as we use one of their checklists with families when their are concerns about autism. 

The Autism Speaks site also shares a great deal of information on treatment options for autism.  There is a lot of disagreement amongst professionals as to what works and what doesn't.  For those professionals out their reading this, I encourage you to put yourselves in the parent's position when discussing these treatments.  I know that as a mom myself, I would do and try ANYTHING to help my child research or no research.   So we need to respect any and all efforts that parents in this situation do whether we think it is a waste of time or not.  Wouldn't you want the same, after all?

In closing, I just want to say that I think it is fantastic that the AAP is pushing for this.  I know first hand that early intervention can make dramatic changes in the lives of the children and families affected by autism.  The earlier they get help and support, the better.

Do you have or know of someone with a child affected by autism?  How soon did you know?  What experiences did you have in the process of getting your child evaluated?  Share your thoughts! 

Great blog for Grand Rapids parents: The Big Binder

I just wanted to share a great new blog for parents in the Grand Rapids area.  It is Big Binder.  This blog offers tons of ideas and information on activities and goings ons in the greater Grand Rapids area.  The author contacted me after hearing me speak at a workshop on discipline and said she would like to spotlight parent coaching featuring myself and another local coach.  You can check out that post here.  After checking out her site, I knew that I must add it to my blogroll as it is such a great resource for locals.  Big Binder offers recipes, contests and sooooo much more.  Be sure to check it out and post a comment or two while you are there!

California Wildfires: How you can help.

I've been watching the news about the wildfires in California closely.  I don't have any personal friends or family in California, however, my heart is breaking for those who have been affected by this tragedy.

Knock on wood, I have never personally been affected by a fire, but in my years as a social worker, I have met many families who lost it all.  While they were grateful to have escaped with their lives, the fear and uncertainty they had about their future was overwhelming.  To have no clothing, a stable place to lay their head at night, family photos, pets...it is painful to even think about.  Perhaps it is because we all know that it could easily happen to our families.  Scary stuff.

My heart goes out to all of those affected by the wildfires.  I am begging my readers to give back to those who are suffering through this most difficult situation.  Please consider making a contribution or volunteering with the American Red Cross.  For more ways to help, please check out this article in the Los Angeles Times.

The Importance of Good Sleep Habits

As a parent coach, one of the most common concerns shared with me by parents is about bedtime.  These concerns often include children not staying in their beds, waking during the night, etc.  I got to thinking about this topic the other night when I saw a piece on the nightly news about a new study regarding the impact inadequate sleep can have on children. 

Over the years, I have worked with many families who struggle with sleep issues.  Not only is this frustrating for the parents, but it has a significant impact on their child's mood during the day.  Children who do not get the necessary sleep are often cranky and distractable.   Think about how you feel after a night of restlessness -- I don't know about you, but I am not much fun to be around.

There has been a lot of research in the area of sleep.  You may be surprised by some of the results:

• Researches have found a link between childhood obesity and sleep apnea.
• Some common sleep disorders may be linked to ADHD.
• Lack of sleep may affect academic performance (click here to view the piece by NBC Nightly news -- scroll down to Kids Aren't Getting Enough Sleep)
   

This tip sheet from The National Sleep Foundation is one of the best resources I have found on the subject of sleep and children to date.  It provides in-depth information on how much sleep your child should be getting, suggestions for bedtime routine as well as red flags for sleep problems.  Every parent should read this information.  It highlights much of what I suggest to parents when discussing sleep issues including:

• establishing a regular, calming routine before bedtime
• limiting television before bedtime (click here for a story regarding the impact of having televisions in their rooms)
• re-evaluating their child's need for naps during the day
• if their child does still need a nap, re-evaluating the length, frequency and time of that nap

So how do you know if your child has a sleep problems and what do you do about them?  Click here to find out.  If you do feel that your child suffers from a sleep disorder, please, please, please be sure to discuss your concern with your pediatrician.  They are able to do pediatric sleep studies to determine if there is a medical cause for the disturbances and provide support and treatment if necessary.  Trust me, you and your child will BOTH sleep a lot better.

Does your child have difficulty sleeping?  If so, what things have you done to address the problem.  Please share your story -- you might help someone else in the process :)

Book Review: The Dangerous Book for Boys

Okay, it's time for another Mentor Mom rant!  In perusing the internet this morning, I came across this.  It is a story about the parents of a six year old girl in New York who received a ticket for graffiti as a result of their daughters artistic rendition of a blue flower using sidewalk chalk.  The city, in an attempt to crackdown on graffiti, saw the artwork as such and issued the citation which held a $300 fine.

Okay, I have to ask when are we as a society taking things too far?  Isn't it bad enough that schools our banning such as tag and dodgeball out of fear of a child getting hurt and their parents suing the district?  Will cities now be banning children from using sidewalk chalk? 

My husband and I often reflect on our own childhood play experiences when we read about such things.  Play back then was so different.  Perhaps it was because there were only four channels on the television and cartoons were limited to very early morning and Saturdays.  Time was spent outdoors using our minds and creativity to keep ourselves occupied.  This included lemonade stands, homemade carnivals and spook houses.  Of course there was a charge for such events (the early seeds of entrepeneurialism!). 

Wanting our kids to experience some of the things we did in our childhood, I went out in search of The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden and his brother, Hal.  What a gem!  I had heard of the book a while back when it was featured during a blogger's book tour.  I put it on my list of books to check out and there it sat for about five months.  I was inspired to purchase the book when the book and author were featured on a recent segment of the The Rachel Ray Show about couch potato kids.  Not wanting to put it off any longer, I ran right out and bought a copy. 

What a great investment!  My son was so excited as he thumbed through the pages.  The section on "girls" was of particular interest to him.  He is already able to describe with accuracy the difference between different cloud formations and tell you how many Detroit Tigers were named MVP.  He eagerly showed the book to my husband when he got home from work pointing out all the activities he wanted to do together, e.g., build a battery, a tree house, go cart, etc. 

My son's interest in the book was not surprising.  What was surprising was my husband's interest in the book.  My son went with his grandparents for the weekend just after I bought the book and we convinced him to leave it home since he would be busy at the cottage.  Much to my surprise and delight, my husband spent the weekend with his nose in the book reading it from cover to cover.  He was thrilled with the content stating "I did almost all these things when I was a kid."  He is excited about reliving his own childhood and passing some of these tried and true kid activities on with our own children (yes -- girls can get dangerous too!).  Thank you Conn and Hal for reminding us what fun being a little dangerous can be.

Fun Pumpkin Activity

Nothing says fall round these parts than pumpkins!  So to celebrate the season, I thought I would share a fun activity that I am doing with the toddlers and preschoolers I work with this week.  We are planning a trip to the pumpkin patch, so we are starting to talk about pumpkins during our home visits, i.e., the color, size, shape, texture, etc.

Now let's face it, pumpkins are not all that exiting to most toddlers or preschoolers.   So, to make it a bit more fun to learn about pumpkins, I do the following activity with them before we head to the pumpkin patch for our annual field trip.  Here's what you will need:

• A medium sized pumpkin
• A child's play hammer
• Golf tees

Yup, that's it.   The activity is as simple as pounding the tees into the pumpkin.  For toddlers, you may have to start the tee in the pumpkin and let them do the pounding.  Some preschoolers might be able to put the tees in on their own.  Enhance the activity by talking about what they are doing, the color of the golf tees, putting the tees in and out, etc.  They can make designs, e.g., eyes, nose, mouth, etc.  There are a number of developmental activities to this activity:

• Develops eye-hand coordination
• Develops visual perceptual skills
• Develops gross motor skills
• Help develop fine motor skills.  Have them pull the tees out.  It helps develop hand strength!
• Expressive language development
• Receptive language development

The biggest plus to this activity is that it is fun!  I haven't met a toddler or preschooler yet who didn't have fun with this activity.  I hope your child enjoys it!

Minute for Mom: Are your priorities in shape?

In an earlier post, I challenged you to make a list of all the roles that you fill during the week and then to rank them based on how you currently prioritize each role.  Notice how I said currently.  This is where that brutal honesty comes in.  If you weren't brutally honest, give it another go.  There is no cheating when it comes to change.  I mean, I can try to delude myself into believing that I am five pounds lighter when I step on the scale by leaning a bit on the bathroom vanity while I weigh in, but at some point I have to acknowledge that the pizza and nachofest over the weekend have undermined my progress.  But I digress...

Back to your priorities.  Were you surprised by how far up or how far down some of those roles were?  Did you realize that you expending as much energy in some areas and so little in others?  Again, we can't change what we don't acknowledge. 

I remember doing this exercise with a parent a while back who was feeling completely overwhelmed by her home life.  She was feeling unsupported by her husband and was concerned by her deteriorating relationship with her family.  When she made her list, she realized how out of whack her priorities were.  She had put housekeeper, cook and many of those other rather mundane roles way at the top of her list.  Wife and mentor to her children, sadly, were far too close to the bottom.  While she always felt that these were her priorities, she realized that her actions did not support this reality.  She was expending all of her energy trying to manage the daily tasks of running a household when she wanted to be expending energy doing positive things with her husband and children.  It was an eye opener for her. 

Does this sound familiar?  I think most mom's priorities get out of whack from time to time.  The key to getting things back in order is taking some time for ourselves to reflect.  Remember how I said many mom's leave "me" off that list of roles?  That is unacceptable!   

So what can you do to keep your priorities in shape?  Here are some tips:

• Get out the calendar.  Schedule a family meeting at least once a month.  This is a fantastic way to maintain open communication amongst family members.
• Delegate.  As mom's, we often take on way too much responsibility.  Have you ever thought "I might as well do it because nobody else is going to?"  That kind of thinking actually encourages people to not step up to the plate.  Why should they clear the table when good old mom will take care of it?  Kids should have chores.  It helps build self-esteem and teaches responsibility.  Let go of some of those things that take up so much of your time in the course of the week.  Explain to the kids that when they help out, it leaves more time for all of you to do fun things together such as having a family game night.  For more on getting your kids to do chores, check out these posts.
• Set aside time for your spouse.  If you are married, it is important not to let the relationship with your husband slip down your priority list.  It can be hard sometimes if we are not feeling supported by our spouse, e.g., they don't help with the kids, they are off fishing all the time, etc.  Remember, we teach people how to treat us.   Having said that, remember that we give what we get.  I challenge a mom who was frustrated with her spouse to try the "good neighbor" policy, e.g., treating her husband like she would treat a good neighbor.  For example, if he asked her to refill his water, she would say "sure" and do so without grumbling or complaint.  I know, it sounds a bit silly, but it really works!  She reported back that after doing this for a week or so, her husband seemed to tune into her more and was more supportive and helpful around the home when she asked.  The truth of the matter is that when we feel supported and valued by someone, we are much more likely to reciprocate those feelings.  You get what you give.  It is important to have time alone as a couple on a regular basis.  Knowing that it can be hard to get out when you have kids, maybe you plan a special movie night after the kids are in bed, etc.  It is also important to establish with your children that mom and dad need time to discuss and process their day.  Maybe this is done after they are in their rooms for the night or maybe you and your husband go into the den for some uninterrupted discussion.  My husband and I try to do this for about a half hour every day after I get home from work.  We send the kids outside to play and tell them they can come in when mom and dad time is over.  It took some getting used to for them, but they realize now that it is important to us and helps us to be better, happier parents.  What kids doesn't want that!
• Set aside time for your friends.  It is important for us as moms to maintain our relationship with our close friends.  There is nothing like the sisterhood to help center and balance.  Schedule a girls night out (or in) at least once a month.  It can be a huge sanity saver.
• Set aside time for you.  I can't stress this enough!  You need to have time alone at least once a week where you can process and reflect on those things that matter most to you.   My husband and kids have learned over the years that I am a much happier person to be around after I have had some "me" time.  Perhaps it is a long bath while he keeps the kids occupied or maybe it is having the house to myself for an evening while they go out to a movie.  Whatever the case, time alone to re-evaluate our progress in the journey of motherhood is essential.

What things help you keep your priorities in check?  Do you have any thoughts or tips that you would like to share?  Please do!

Oh Britney...give me a call.

Well, it has finally happened.  Britney Spears has lost custody of her children.  I'm not surprised, but I am certainly saddened.   What a mess this situation has turned into.  Britney obviously has some significant issues going on and is not complying with the court orders to the satisfaction of the judge.

Give me a call girlfriend...we got LOTS to talk about.