Goodbye Gibson: Losing the family pet.

My husband and I knew it was coming...the day our beloved Golden Retriever, Gibson, would pass away.  Sadly, that day came last week.  Fortunately for us, he passed away in his sleep of old age.  He lived to the ripe old age of 14 which is pretty old for such a big dog.

Arthritis had set in and getting up was becoming difficult for him.  On a Saturday night two weeks before his passing, he was unable to get up or even lift his head.  I told my husband I didn't think Gibson would make it through the night.  We discussed it with the kids, explaining that Gibson was very old and that he would soon join grandma and grandpa's dog up in heaven.

Much to our surprise, he made it through that night.  As a matter of fact, it was as if he had gotten a second wind.  He was playing fetch, jumping off the deck and acting like a two year old.  Two weeks later, on a Wednesday night, he again was unable to move.  We prepared for the worst and our fears were confirmed when my husband got up and prepared to go to work.  Our six year old daughter was already up.  I explained that Gibson had passed.  She looked at him in disbelief as he was sprawled on his favorite red carpet in front of the entry door looking like he usually did when he was asleep.  She asked a multitude of questions, i.e., "why is his tongue out?," how come his eyes are open?," etc.  She stared at him which my husband, still in shock, I think found somewhat disturbing.  We sent her out to the truck while we gently moved our beloved pet to the garage covering him with his favorite blanket.  Teary eyed, my husband set off to work with our daughter.

The next task?  To tell our nine year old son.  I proceeded to get ready for work and woke him up  shortly thereafter to get up for school.  After he had all his gear together, I pulled him close and told him of Gibson's passing.  The tears began immediately.  After he had regained his composure, he asked where Gibson was.  I explained that he was on his favorite rug out in the garage.  As we exited to join my husband and daughter at our coffee shop, I asked him if he wanted to see him one last time and say goodbye.  He declined and with a heavy sigh got into the car.

It was a long day and my husband and I had to figure out what we were going to do with the body.  Given that he was so large, we decided to have him cremated.  My husband contacted a wonderful facility that came to our home and picked Gibson up.  We were contacted the next day and informed that his remains were ready to be picked up from our veterinarian.  We were touched by the thoughtfulness of the staff from Sleepy Hollow.  They took an imprint of his paw in plaster, sent a little Golden Retriever pin that he will never be forgotten as well as a sympathy card. 

The day of his passing, I went to the local craft store and bought a kit to make a memory stone.  Later that night, the kids and I mixed the cement and decorated the stone dedicating it to Gibson.  On a beautiful and warm Saturday night at dusk, we buried his ashes under his favorite tree in the backyard.  We all took a moment to share one of our favorite memories and collectively told him how much we would miss him.  We then placed the memory stone amongst the myrtle. 

Losing a family pet is a very difficult situation for all.  Things get complicated further with children.  To use our situation as an example, developmentally a six-year-olds ability to understand death is very different from that of a nine-year-old.   Our daughter only started crying after seeing us cry while our son clearly understood the finality of Gibson's passing.  And at the age of six, there is a certain fascination with the process of death hence the staring and questions.  Although you may think it insensitive, it is important that you answer the questions as best you can while understanding that this is normal for that age. 

For more information on the impact the loss of a pet can have on your child, check out PetPlace.com   They give a summary of what is going on with your child psychologically as well as some dos and don'ts.  They also give a nice overview of the stages of grief.   

I can't stress how beneficial rituals can be in helping deal with death and loss.  We found the memorial service we held provide us all with some closure.  The kids will frequently be seen stopping at the memory stone in the midst of their running through the back yard.  They often point it out to friends that come over.  Being able to discuss their loss with others is an important part of the healing process.

Have you lost a family pet?  How did you help your child through it?  Did you incorporate any rituals to help them through?  Share your ideas, tips and suggestions with others.    

Comments

[Amber]

I am sooooo sorry. I absolutely adore Goldens; our neighbor has a fantastic one with the best disposition. If/when we ever get a dog, it'll be a golden.

[Jackie]

I too am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard on every family member. We have lost so many pets....cats, dogs, hamsters. But each and every time, we buried our pet with a little ceremony. We would talk about what we loved most about the pet & the tears would flow.

[Tammy]

Jill, I'm sitting here with tears pouring down my cheeks after reading your story of Gibson's passing. I'm sorry for you all but happy for Gibson...he had a good life, was well loved, and went gently. Thanks for sharing this touching moment from your life.

[The Mentor Mom]

Thanks, Tammy! As much as we miss him, we too were glad that he went in such a peaceful manner after living such a wonderful life :)