I have been thinking a lot about my own mortality recently. This as a result of hearing that my cousin, a mother of five, is in the beginning stages of liver failure as a result of her long battle with cancer.
As I think about her spending time with her children, I wonder what she must be thinking and feeling about now. I'm guessing that she is cherishing every minute of every day that she has with her children, husband and family. Continuing to battle, but always wondering about how much time is left.
One never truly knows how much time he or she has on this earth. In my previous post, I discussed making this the year I live without regrets. As I think about my cousin's situation, I think about my children growing up without me. What will they remember of me as they grow older? Did I tell them how wonderful they are are how I cherish each moment with them each and every day? Do they know the depths of the love that I feel for them? Do they know my fears, my hopes and my dreams? What do they REALLY know about me and my own upbringing?
As I sit here typing this post through teary eyes, I realize that there are many things I want my children to remember and know about me that I have not yet shared. My biggest regret would be to leave these things unsaid. As parents, we often get so caught up in the day to day aspects of raising children and running a household, that the really important messages get pushed to the side. Yes, I tell my children on a daily basis that I love them, but do I REALLY tell them? Do I stop what I am doing, get down on their level and look them in their beautiful, blue eyes and REALLY tell them that they are the center of my universe?
I remember watching an Oprah episode once about a remarkable mother who was diagnosed with cancer and had only six months to live. Her daughter was very young and she realized that she had much that she wanted to share with her but would be unable to. So she started video taping herself sharing with her daughter her thoughts on love, marriage, children and other things that moms do including relationship and makeup tips! I sobbed as I watched thinking what a wonderful legacy she was leaving for her child as well as the tragedy that she had to do this as a result of this horrible disease. Her daughter, now a teenager, shared how much those tapes have meant to her over the years.
In reflecting on all this, I realized that I don't have anything for my children or family to reflect on. Oh, I've got photos in boxes and in files in my laptop, but nothing put together in a meaningful and personal way. I love scrapbooks, but, regrettably, do not enjoy scrapbooking. I've got ALL the stuff I need to put them together except the motivation. Isn't that sad?
Realizing that the prospect of scrapbooking is overwhelming to me at the moment, I have decided to start a different, more personal way of leaving a legacy for my children: I am starting a mother's journal for each of them. I had originally planned on writing a letter to each of my children and my husband every January, but then thought, why not incorporate this letter into a journal where I can add comments and thoughts on birthdays, good days and even some bad days. I do enjoy journaling a great deal and this will be a wonderful way to share my hopes, dreams and love with them. Now, there are some mother's journals out there for purchase. I have chosen to purchase two blank, unlined journals as I can paste a photo here or there if so desired.
Thinking about how much I would cherish something like this from my own parents, I have purchased them grandparent journals, one for each, so that they too can share their memories.
As I said earlier, none of us knows how much time we have. Has this post given you food for thought? Have you already thought this through and started scrapbooking, journaling or some other creative way of sharing memories with your children? Do post your thoughts and comments.
In closing, I would like to ask for your thoughts and prayers for my cousin, Gail, and her family during this most difficult time. She is a strong and proud woman who is fighting this with every fiber in her body. I do not buy into all medical prognosis as I believe that determination and strength as well as some angels looking out for you can change ones fate.
Stumble It!
Hi Jill.
As a breast cancer survivor, I, too sobbed uncontrollably as I watched the Oprah episode where the woman taped her words of wisdom for her daughter. I have been thinking about this a lot lately as my good friend and former chemo buddy battles the return of her breast cancer that has now travelled to her brain.
A long time ago, when my children were quite small, I decided to forget about journaling my kids 'first tooth', 'first step' etc. Instead I started a journal for each of them called "What you were like". So now, we can all look back and read about the goofy things each of them said when they were two and three etc. and what their favourite colours, foods and expressions were like at that time. I include in there how proud I am of each of their accomplishments and how much I cherish them for who they are. I also made sure to include my memories of the day they were born. I hope and pray that I will be a part of their lives for a very, very long time. But their are no guarantees, and I don't ever want them to doubt for a second the depth of my love and commitment to them.
Great post. It got me thinking!!
Posted by: Janet Boccone | January 18, 2007 at 11:29 AM
Fantastic, Janet! I hear you about documenting the "firsts!" I had good intentions of doing this with both the kids, but never followed through. And I couldn't agree more that "I don't ever want them to doubt for a second the depth of my love and commitment to them." Amen to that :)
Posted by: Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom | January 18, 2007 at 03:37 PM