The Mentor Mom

Great New Product: Moon Sand!

For my regular readers, you know how frequently I discuss the importance of sensory play for kids (look under "Child Development Nuggets" in my archives).  I recently ordered some new products for my classroom and saw a "portable sandbox" which presented as a much cheaper alternative to a sand table (remember I work for a school system by day with a limited budget!). 

Well, the product finally arrived.  It is called Delta Sand.  A similar product available in most stores is Moon Sand.  I must tell you that I was amazed at how light the box was.  I'm used to lugging around a big, heavy rice box so I was pleased to find that it weighed much less than my laptop.

I brought it home and found that the set up was quite easy.  Just inflate the ring around the carrying case and pour it in.  I am disappointed with the quality of the carrying case.  Great idea, but I put a small rip in the inflatable ring when I pulled back the Velcro cover.  Given the fact that I am a grown up and was fairly cautious with it, the likelihood that little ones will damage the case is highly likely.

Despite this, the sand itself is incredible.  My kids had a ball shaping it and building different structures.  They would have played with it for hours had I let them!  I must admit, that I too found the stuff hard to resist.  It doesn't leave that sandy residue on your hand and there is no odor. Moon sand is available in a number of different colors, does not absorb water (it actually floats!) and can be baked for permanent structures (great for school projects such as volcanos, solar systems, etc.).  It is relatively inexpensive as well.

The Moon Sand link above goes to the ToysRUs website which has a video demonstration of the product and its uses.  It also has reviews by parents.  Many parents complained about the mess which it can be.  I would suggest putting a large blanket or vinyl tablecloth on the floor under the box so you can easily pour any contents that get out back in.  I also would recommend buying a large plastic tub to keep the sand in.  As I said earlier, I found the store bought container to be of poor quality.

This product is recommended for children 3-8 years of age.  Delta Sand is made from sand with special binding agents.  The site indicates it is safe if used for the intended purpose.  There was not information I could find about toxicity if ingested so be forewarned.  So I would keep a close eye if you have little ones who still like to put things in their mouths!

Shh, don't tell my kids, but they will be getting some of this under the Christmas tree this year! 

Have you used Delta Sand or Moon Sand?  Let me know what you and your clan think of the product :)

PS:  I do not work for either manufacturer nor do I get any freebies for sharing my recommendation of these products.  If you know how I can get some freebies, hook me up!

Taming your gremlins...

It's time to get back to task.  For those of you who are new around here, myself and some of my readers have been on a journey.  We have been working on identifying our priorities and trying to figure out if our actions are in alignment with those priorities.  I personally have a lot of tweaking to do in this area.  Newbies can go back and check out previous posts on the matter.

For those of you who have been on the journey thus far, we are going to talk about taming our gremlins today.  Our last step in this process was to identify our self imposed road blocks or energy drainers.  If you will recall, mine included watching too much television and doing housework when I should be with my kids.  Despite the fact that I am aware that these two activities interfere with my goals of spending more quality time with my kids, I still do them.  This is where my gremlins come into play.

David Ellis wrote a book some years back called "Taming Your Gremlins."  He uses the term "gremlin" to describe the self-talk or "inner dialog" (to use a Dr. Phil-ism) we use to support our behaviors.  By becoming aware of these gremlins, we can modify our behavior.  As Dr. Phil says, "We cannot change what we do not acknowledge." 

So, it is time to get the journals back out.  I want you to think about your thoughts.  What?!?  I want you to think about your thoughts.  Our thoughts drive our behavior, so we must become aware of them if we want to change them.  For example, let's say we go to Target and buy some books.  We give the cashier our money, but she gives us back an extra $20 in change.  Do we tell her?  What thoughts are going through your head at the time?  Maybe some of the following?

• Ha!  She gave me too much!  Yippee, it's like a free shopping day!
• She gave me too much.  Should I tell her?  Nah. For what they charged for this book, I deserve a break.

What will be the outcome with this kind of thinking?  That's right. This thinking would NOT likely result in giving the excess change back.  Let's look at a a different thought process given the same situation:

• Ooh.  She gave me too much back.  I wonder if I should keep it?  Nah, it would be my luck that she realize her error just as I walk away.  Then I'd look like a schmuck.
• Wow, it seems like I got too much back.  She must have made a mistake.  I have to tell her so as to make this right. 

Do you see how this drives our behavior?  OK, now that we have learned a bit about cognitive behavioral therapy, lets put our knowledge to the test.  Again, get your journal out.  Write down what thoughts are going through your head when you engage in one of your energy drainers.  Here's an example of how my thinking supports my television watching:

• I don't feel like doing anything.
• I worked hard all day.  I deserve to do nothing,
• I just want to watch television for a little bit.  I can play with the kids when the show is over. 
• I'll turn it off in a half hour (...NOT!)

So now it is your turn.  What automatic thoughts are going through your head to support your energy drainers?

Out of the mouths of babes...

I received the following e-mail from a friend.  It is one of those e-mails that you receive that you need to "pass on to five people."  For those of you who know me, I very rarely read these messages let alone pass them on as I get so many of them in a day.  This one, however, touched me so I wanted to share it with all of you.  I have absolutely no idea where this originated so props to the author.  This message really exemplifies how brilliant, pure and wise children are.  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"   The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.  My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody.  You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt "

Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.  The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

The Roomba is here...THANK YOU MINTI!

IT'S HERE, IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!   Yes, that's right.  The roomba I won from minti has finally arrived.  Well, it actually arrived on Friday, but I have been a bit under the weather lately and haven't had a chance to post.

What a wonderful invention!  After charging it all night, I enjoyed my morning coffee watching it zip around the house.  I must say, it really does a nice job!  The kids LOVE it!  The cat and dogs, on the other hand, are still a bit unsure.  It does a great job of picking up all that hair.  Blech, I hate animal hair.

So, how can you win a roomba?  All you have to do go join minti.  Don't worry, it's free!  Once you've joined, you can read parenting advice, ask for parenting advice, start a blog, vote on advice, join a group...the possibilities are endless!  I must warn you, however, it is quite addictive.  The wonderful folks at minti give away a Roomba each month to the members who are most active.  If I can win one anyone can!  What do you have to lose...dirty floors?   And again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU MINTI!  My floors have never looked better :)

Energy Drainers

Last time, we talked about identifying our priorities, those things that are most important to us.  Sometimes, when we identify our priorities, we realize that our actions don't really support them.  For example, the parent who says their children are their biggest priority, but who works 60+ hours a week and then comes home and is too tired or lacks the energy or desire to interact with their children on a truly meaningful level.

I know, some of you are saying "But what if he needs to work that hard to support his family?"  A parent has to do what what a parent has to do to ensure that their children's basic needs are met.  They also need to ensure that their children are getting their emotional needs met.  I've met far too many parents who worked their tails off when their children were young only to have them regret it when their children were older.  As children age, their interest in hanging out with us decreases as a result of their need to socialize with peers and gain independence.  We need to strike while the iron is hot.

My purpose in using this example is that we need to align our actions with our priorities.  In order to do so, we must first figure out what is getting in the way.  I call these energy drainers.  Todays challenge is to list the top five things that you do that interfere with your ability to achieve your identified priorities.  Here are some of mine:

• Watching too much television.  I'm not a 24/7 television watcher, but I know I would get a lot more things on my "to do" list done if I wasn't sitting on the couch as frequently.
• Cruising the internet.  I know I spend waaaay too much time doing this.  It interferes with my time spent with the kids and my husband which are two of my priorities.

There are many more, but I just wanted to give you an idea of where I was going with this.  So, get out your journal and start writing down your energy drainers or time wasters.  Once this is done, we will work on developing a plan to overcome our self-imposed obstacles.  Until next time!

What are your priorities?

Last time, I asked the question "what would you do differently if you knew you only had six months left to live?"  It has been a while since my last post, but I wanted to give ample time for reflection and consideration both for myself and for you.  The goal of this question is to flush out what is most important to us, what our priorities are, where we want to focus our energies.

As a mom, my energy waxes and wanes.  I told someone this morning that I often feel like butter spread way too thinly on a piece of toast.  In reflecting on this question and doing some serious journaling on the matter, it is clear that I know what my priorities are and that I am not consistently expending my energy on them.  Or at least not in a manner that suits me.

So what would I change or do differently if I only had six months to live?  First, I would spend more quality time with my children.  I would cherish each moment, each discussion, each day as a precious gift.  One that can never be replaced.  I would be fully engaged with them in these moments so that at the end of the six months I didn't look back with any regrets.

Second, I would invest more energy into my marriage.  Don't get me wrong, we have a solid relationship, but we don't get much alone time.  I would make sure that this happened more regularly and move my husband waaaay up the priority list.  It often seems he gets what is left at the end of the day which is often not much.  Sorry honey.

Third, I would spend more time with my family.  I love my parents greatly, but visiting with them always seems to fall low on my priority list.  I have lots of reasons why we don't get up to see them, e.g., too tired after a long week of work, too much stuff to do around the house, don't feel like driving that far, etc.  All cop outs.  They are getting older and I know my time with them is limited.  I need to be with them more often and so do my kids.

Fourth, I would spend more time doing things that bring me joy.  It seems that all the things that bring me joy (besides my kids) have fallen way too low on the priority list.  I feel cranky and fatigued way more often than I care to.  I wonder if my kids will describe me as being happy and full of life after I have passed away.  I don't know that they would at this point.  I mean, I'm not a gloomy gus moping around the house, but I don't smile nearly as much as I would like to.  Have you ever met someone who just oozes with life?  I have and it is said to say that these folks are few and far between, at least in my experience. 

So why am I sharing all this with you?  Well, as I said last time, I am on a personal journey.  I described it as a quest to find "balance," however, in reflecting and journaling on the matter, I think for me it is a quest for happiness.  Let me define what I mean by "happiness":  Aligning my actions in life to reflect my priorities or simple said enjoying and investing in what matters most to me in a way that leaves me feeling content, fulfilled and joyful.

Now that I have clarified my priorities, it is time to look at what roadblocks I have put up that get in the way.  This is an essential step in the change process.  As Dr. Phil says, "We cannot change what we do not acknowledge."   More on this next time.

Have you written down your priorities yet?  I challenge you to join this journey with me.  What do you have to lose?   

Balance...is there such a thing?

Balance.  I hate that word.  Most of us are looking for it, but very few of us have found it.  Well, at least I haven't.  For me, it is an elusive snake hidden in the tall grass.  I can hear it.  I can see the movement in the grass.  Just about the time I think I've caught it, it slips away (OK, maybe none of us want to grab a snake...insert the critter of your choice). 

And thus begins my journey.  Maybe you'd like to join me?  You see, I'm on a quest to find out if balance exists and if it does, how I might achieve it.  I've got lots of roadblocks that I will need to navigate.  For example, I like to say I have too much to do and too little time, but that's a cop out.  I have lots of energy drainers that I know I need to eliminate.  I express what my priorities are (e.g., my kids, my husband, family, etc.), but often, my actions don't reflect this.   These are just a few of my roadblocks...

So, I'm going to do some self-coaching here asking some thought provoking questions and challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone in attempt to find balance.  I'd love some company on this journey; kinda like an online coaching group!  That requires interaction.  Ahem, attention all lurkers! That means you need to step out of YOUR comfort zone and participate! 

I've got a journal that I am going to be using to document my thoughts, feelings and actions on this quest.  You may want to have a journal as well.  I use a small spiral bound notebook that fits in my purse.  I've purchased TONS of pretty journals with velvet covers and the like over the years, but I never seem to use them.  They are so pretty that I get self-conscious about writing in them.  Crazy, I know, but it is one (just one) of my many personal hang ups. 

So, here's where the journey begins.  The following is a question I have been pondering lately.  It has helped to make some things very clear to me.  I hope your find it helpful as well.  Consider this Step One in our journey:

What would you change about your life if you knew you only had six months to live?

Write your responses in your journal.  Post any thoughts or comments you have.  Until next time!

Yay, we did it! Er, well sort of...

Well, we finally did it!  We finally went letterboxing!  What a day.  It was gorgeous and sunny here in Michigan so we decided to take "The Beast" on the adventure.   We picked a trail on the way up to the grandparents cottage (can't miss a free Sunday dinner!).  Prior to leaving, I packed backpacks for the kids with their adventure stuff, e.g., binoculars, sunglasses, a compass, a snack and water bottle. 

My backpack included a notepad, stamp, ink pad, a water bottle and camera (of course, the batteries died right after taking the photo at the right).  In addition, I had the printed out clues from the letterboxing website. 

The trail we picked was at a park on a lake.  It was breathtakingly beautiful.  I'm so bummed that the batteries in the camera died so I couldn't share it with all of you!  We pulled our clue sheet out and headed down the trail.  Walking through the woods with the kids was fantastic.  They were brimming with excitement looking for clues under every rock, tree and leaf. 

Despite our best efforts, however, we didn't find the letterbox :(  The clues to this particular trail were particularly tricky.  It was hard to discern which sentence went with which clue as they mixed compass readings with verbal cues, e.g., "go 270 degrees" followed by "Indian Joe knew what he was doing, he was always right."  All right, which is it?  Do we go 270 degrees or do we go right? 

There are a couple things we would do differently next time.  First, we would pick a shorter trek.  I'll be the first to admit that I am out of shape, but when the kids started dragging we knew this was too long of a hike being first timers.  Second, we would pick an easier letterbox to find.  Most trails are rated by difficulty level.  I picked this trail since it was on the way up to the cottage.  I'll re-think this next time.

Our adventure today was one of our efforts to complete the Total Attention Challenge. I must say that the activity received a resounding thumbs up from all involved.  My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that we were getting much needed exercise and having fun doing it (I never thought I would write exercise and fun in the same sentence).  Being out in nature was invigorating to say the least.  All in all, we had at least four hours of uninterrupted fun with our kids.  We are hooked and will definitely go letterboxing again. 

Have you been participating in the Total Attention Challenge?  It's never too late and I promise you that you will be happy you did.  We are only on day three with four to go and I'm looking forward to every minute :)

Progress Report: "To Do" Lists...

Well, it has been a week since Thing One and Thing Two have started using their new "to do" lists.  I am happy to report that it is noon on Saturday and once again ALL the "to dos" are done as well as some of the extra chores!  My daughter was up bright and early this morning to ensure that she "called" cleaning the toilets.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated that a five year old would enjoy this detestable chore so much.  (Some of you may be wondering about the use of chemicals by a five year old.  Rest assured, we purchased rubber gloves and she has no direct contact with the little pads that attach to the cleaning stick.)

Of course, this is not to say that we didn't have some bumpy days over the last week.  We had days where the progress on getting things done was very slooooooooow.  We also had a couple of days where tasks were checked off that, upon further investigation, were later determined to be incomplete.  Sigh.  This brings up a whole other area, i.e., LYING, which needs to be discussed in a separate post to properly do it justice.

I can also happily report that the dinner arrangement with hubby is going very well.  We have had some scrumptious homemade meals in the last week including his fabulous goulash.  I can proudly say that my children have not had peanut butter and jelly or cold cereal for dinner at any point over the last two weeks.  Sounds like small potatoes to some, but this is a true triumph in this household!

And today?  I will be working on my "Total Attention Challenge" (see previous post for specifics).  We did have family movie night last night, but I'm not sure if that constitutes "total attention" since we were watching tv.  The plan for today:  letter boxing.  It is a gorgeous fall day here in Michigan which gives us a perfect opportunity to take "The Beast" out for a drive. 

The Beast is my husband's newest automotive acquisition, a 1971 Oldsmobile Regency Convertible.  I'm not sure why, but for some reason we name our vehicles.  Previous autos include the Java Car (a beat up Honda Accord that "winked"), The Beast 1 (a loud, rattly suburban with holes in the floorboards), Inez (my grandmas 1965 Corvair convertible) and the Mystery Machine (ala, Scobby Doo -- a baby blue Chevy Astro cargo van). 

Anyhow, we will be hitting one of the local parks for a letter boxing adventure (for more on this see my previous post on letterboxing or go to www.letterboxing.org.

How about you?  Are you participating in the Total Attention Challenge?

Take the Total Attention Challenge!

I read a really good book a while back.  It was called "The Power of Full Engagement."  Yeah, I know the title doesn't sound so interesting, but it was recommended by Oprah sooooo I had to get it.  The book talks about how individuals are not managing their energy effectively.  Boy, that sounds familiar!

The authors use their many years of experience working with highly successful athletes to discuss energy levels.  They point out that athletes focus all of their energy into training in preparation for sports competitions.  They are fully engaged in the moment.  They contend that we could learn a lot and significantly improve our lives if we did the same.

How many of you have gone on a family vacation recently?  Did you take a laptop or cell phone?  Were you checking work related things when you should have been spending time with your family?  I have to admit, I've done this in the past. 

Being "fully engaged" means focusing all your attention in whatever it is that you are doing, i.e., talking on the phone to a friend without trying to check your e-mail, listening to your husband's day without thinking about your grocery list, or playing and talking with your child without distraction.  I do my best to be fully engaged with my family, but have to admit, I've fallen off the wagon recently. 

But then, I read Jen Lemen posted the Total Attention Challenge on her minti blog.  She is challenging all her readers to select three times a day to give their children 100% of their attention.  I'm in and plan to do it on Friday.  I will be reporting back on how it went.  Won't you do the same?  Just click on the link and give it a whirl.  You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.  You can post how you did with the challenge here or over at Jen's minti blog.  Let's see how many parents we can get to do this so spread the word!!