The Relationship Between Parenting Style and Child Temperament

Over the last week, we have discussed parenting style as well as child temperament.  Let's now talk about the interplay between these two things.  If a parent's style does not fit with their child's temperament, it can:

• interfere with the development of a positive relationship between the parent and child 
• lead to a parent feeling resentful or anxious around their child
• cause a parent to become distant
• cause a child to start withdrawing
• cause a child to rebel
• lead to a parent giving up (has anyone out there seen Supernanny!)

I started the discussion on this topic because it is important for us to do a self-inventory as a parent.  We cannot change what we don't acknowledge (is that a Dr. Phil line?).  I mean let's face it, we cannot change our child's temperament.  It is what it is.  We can, however, change the way we parent.  I am not saying that it is easy!  It is REALLY hard!  I know, I've had to do it myself.  But with practice, patience and determination, it can be done.

The most problematic relationship is usually the authoritarian parent with a difficult child. Oil and water.  Makes sense doesn't it?  Both are vying for power which leads to a never ending power struggle.  It is important for the authoritarian parent to recognize this and be willing to move to a more consultant like approach with a difficult child.  They are much more responsive to this type of parenting approach.  On the other extreme, a difficult child will likely walk all over a permissive parent.  Somewhere in the middle works best with this temperament.  In general, the consultant parent is a good fit with each of these temperaments. 

Short, brief and to the point I was today!  I'm hoping that you have started considering the interplay between these two dynamics in your home.  I'd love to field any questions you may have on the subject.  Drop me a line (my e-mail is fixed...yippee!) on your specific situation.  I look forward to hearing from you :)