The Mentor Mom

The Refried Bean Revolt

Ah, dinnertime.  Nothing can be more frustrating than dealing with a picky eater.  In an attempt to expand my children's dining repertoire from pb&j, hot dogs and mac-n-cheese, I decided to add some refried beans to our normal taco fare.  Doing my best to hide the evidence of the unknown substance, I spread some refried beans on a flour tortilla and then added the usually taco contents and wrapped it up like a burrito.  To my surprise, Thing One didn't even notice the beans and proceeded to eat two tacos.  Thing Two, on the other hand, was not so easily fooled.  "What's this icky stuff?" she asked.  When told it was refried beans, she refused to eat her meal. 

What is parent to do?  Too many times I hear parents prepare a separate meal.  Research has shown that young children need at least four exposures to foods they initially dislike before acquiring a taste.  Do you plan to prepare them a separate meal when they are 15 and don't like the new casserole recipe you were dying to try out? 

So, how did the refried bean revolt work turn out?  Upon refusing to eat, Thing Two was told that she could be excused from the table and that we would have a big breakfast in the morning.  Of course, she was hungry about 10 minutes after leaving the table to which I replied, "I'd be hungry too if I didn't eat my dinner."  She proceeded to fuss and rant before being instructed to take the pity party to her room because I didn't get an invite.  Needless to say, she tried on several occasions to get more food before bed, but I stuck to my guns (as unpleasant as she was to be around) knowing that she will think twice before refusing a meal.  What happened the next time we had meat and bean dry burritos?  She ate all her sides and most of the flour tortilla...all but the part that had beans on it!

Do you have a picky eater?  What do you do when your child refuses to eat a meal?

Summer Fun?!

  It is hard to believe that we are nearly half way through summer vacation.  Summer should be a time of relaxation, but any parent who stays at home with their kids during the summer may feel differently.  I can see the writing on the wall with my own children.  The long Memorial Day weekend started the incubation process of summer bickering.  Bickering about who gets the low swing, bickering about who gets the green apple, bickering about who made it to the car first when it was clearly a tie. 

So, what is a parent to do?  Often, we jump in the middle of the problem and try to solve it for the kids.  This usually ends up backfiring as they are NEVER happy with our solutions.  And let's look at this from their perspective.   If we were having a problem with a co-worker and started bickering with them about it, would we want our boss stepping in and telling us how to fix the problem without all the background information?  Chances are his or her solution may not satisfy either party and one or both of you would feel resentful. 

Here's a one liner that can save you the headache of listening to bickering:  "You two work it out or I will."  Make sure you clarify that your solution is to send them to their rooms until they can come out and be sweet.   There are some real benefits for kids when parents use this approach.  First, it lets them know that you expect them to handle their own problems.  This sends a message that you think they are capable of handling it and thus builds self-esteem.  Secondly, it gives them an opportunity to flex their negotiation muscle.  This is one of the big benefits of having siblings.  Kids can learn how to hone their negotiation skills if we do not interfere and we all know how important this skill is as an adult.  Lastly, you are modeling how to take care of yourself, i.e., that you won't be hassled by listening to bickering.  So how about letting your kids work it out themselves?   You'll have a more enjoyable summer and so will they!

Hello Mothers!

Hello mothers of the world!  Are you Wonder Woman?  Wondering how to do it all:  work and raise kids while trying to be a personanl chef, accountant, housekeeper, and gardener and the list goes on and on. 

Welcome to The Mentor Mom's Blog!  I am the mentor mom, Jill Urbane, a social worker, wife and mother.  How did I become The Mentor Mom you may ask?  Well, I have a pretty diverse resume.

I have worked in a psychiatric unit and a prison as a counselor.  In an attempt to keep kids from growing up and ending up in either of those places, I decided to start working with families and have been doing so for nearly ten years. 

Several of those years, I worked as a Children's Protective Services worker (you know, one of "you people" as we were often referred to by our potential clients).  For the last five years, I have worked as an Early Interventionist for a local school district.  A what you may be asking?  As an interventionist, I worki with children ages birth to three with developmental delays, e.g., delayed speech, motor skills or the like. 

As a result of my work experiences (as well as my own personal experiences and those of my friends), I saw that many parents lack and were looking for support, encouragement, and education that was convenient and meaningful for them.  Thus, I started my mentoring business.  Rather than calling myself a parent coach, I see myself as a mentor helping parents find the tools and resources that will help them turn their ordinary family into an extraordinary family. 

I hope that you find this blog to be a source of comfort and humor.  More importantly, I hope you find the tips and strategies discussed in the posts helpful to you and your family.  Please feel free to comment or e-mail me your questions regarding any areas of parenting that you may be struggling with and I will respond.  Hope to hear from you all soon!

Media

Immediate Contact Information

(616) 364-8095 or contact me by e-mail at thementormom@hotmail.com

Welcome to the media room for The Mentor Mom where busy parents go to find advice, parenting tips, child development insights and other useful information to help navigate the ups and downs of parenthood.  I am Jill Urbane, The Mentor Mom, and I help families in several ways:

• As a coach working with parents to develop a plan for their family that works and supporting them during its implementation.
• As a facilitator of the "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent" program.  This seven week course provides families with useful tools to make parenting more enjoyable and increase the likelihood of raising responsible children.
• As a parent educator providing information on child development, discipline and other issues to families in their homes.
• As a presenter by speaking regularly to parent groups on issues such as discipline, parenting style, stress in children and many other topics.

If you need parenting tips, strategies or information on issues related to being a parent, please call me at the number below or e-mail me at thementormom@hotmail.com.

The Mentor Mom's Credentials

I have been a social worker for over twenty years and have a Master of Social Work degree.  I am also a certified parent educator.  The majority of my work experience over the years has been as a home visitor.  I have worked with hundreds of families in crisis assisting them in developing and implementing goals and objectives for their family.  In addition to this, I speak regularly to parent groups in the community on issues related to family and raising children.  I also am a regular facilitator of the "Raising your kids with Love and Logic" parenting course. 

Immediate Contact Information

(616) 364-8095 or contact me by e-mail at thementormom@hotmail.com

Upcoming Events

Becoming a Love and Logic Parent   Jill will be facilitating two sessions of the "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent" course for the Encouraging Family Foundations Program which is a part of the Child and Family Resource Council. Participants will learn a variety of fun and easy parenting techniques that can be implemented immediately.   The class times and location are as follows:

• The first session will be held at D.A. Blodgett which is located at 805 Leonard Street NE, Grand Rapids, MI.  The course will be held on Tuesday, June 3, 10 and 17 from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.
• The second session will be held at the United Methodist Community House which is located at 904 Sheldon Avenue SE, Grand Rapids, MI.  Classes will be held on June 10, 12, 17, 19, 24 and 27 from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m.

Participants must meet the eligibility requirements to participate in the Encouraging Family Foundations Program which include:

• You must reside in Kent County
• You must have a child under the age of three or be pregnant
• You must be a single parent.  Both parents may come, but they may not be legally married.

The Encouraging Family Foundations Program offers:

• Free on-site daycare for program participants
• Transportation if necessary
• A $10 gift card to Meijers for each class attended.  Gift cards are passed out at the conclusion of the courses.

If you meet the eligibility criteria and are interested in registering for the class, please contact the Encouraging Family Foundations Program at the Child and Family Resource Council.  The contact number is (616) 454-4673.

Calming the Chaos   Jill will be providing an hour long presentation at  Flees Martial Arts on Saturday, June 14 from 1:00-2:00 p.m.  This presentation is open to parents who have children enrolled in classes at Flees Martial Arts.

Coaching & Workshops

Coaching:  I do provide individual coaching to families on a case by case basis.  This can be done in several ways:

• Via the telephone.  Calls can be weekly, bi-weekly and can vary in length depending on individual need.
• Via e-mail.  As with the telephone coaching, this can be done weekly, bi-weekly, etc.  The frequency of e-mails depends on each individual and their needs.
• In-person for those families in the West Michigan area.  Call me for more details or to arrange an in-home consultation.

Rates vary depending on the frequency and duration of the coaching.  For more information on the cost and whether coaching would be a good fit for you and your family, drop me a line at thementormom@hotmail.com or call (616) 364-8095 after 8:00 p.m. Eastern time.

Presentations:  In addition to providing personal coaching, I frequently do presentations for community organizations serving families.  Topics of discussion include:

• Love and Logic
• Discipline and the Young Child
• Stress and Parenting
• Sibling Rivalry

Please contact me for more information on rates, topics and availability.

Workshops:  See the "Events" section for upcoming classes, lectures and speaking engagements. 

Ask the Mentor Mom

Parenting is rough!  This is your opportunity to ask me you toughest questions.  Just drop me an e-mail with any questions you might have regarding parenting, family, marriage, balance, etc., at thementormom@hotmail.com.  Please be sure to indicate if I have permission to post your question along with my response on The Mentor Mom blog.  Bring it on people...I love a challenge!

Contact

By phone:  (616) 364-8095

By mail:  Jill Urbane, 3546 Briggs Blvd. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49525

By e-mail:  thementormom@hotmail.com