The Mentor Mom

Friday Funny: Shall we dance?

Friday Funny - Because we could all use a good chuckle

Few things can compare to a good laugh.  It's a great way to relieve stress as I found out today while cruising around the net.  I had so many hardy laughs today that it inspired me to start posting a Friday Funny.  Enjoy -- I know I did!

Look out! It's gonna be a mutha...

Some of you may have come here today looking for another learning tip.  If you've noticed the picture to your left, you have probably guessed that this post contains nothing of educational value.  It does, however, offer you an opportunity for a hearty laugh. 

And no, we are not going to be talking about menstrual cycles, cramps or PMS.  Well, at least I am not going to be talking about these things.  The female cast members from Saturday Night Live, however, might have a thought or two on the topic to share.  Check out the spoof they did this past weekend on a pill that allows women to have only one period a year and the possible side effects that might have on their mood.  If this doesn't make you pee your pants, you have absolutely no sense of humor:

Check out the Mom Mantra!

Do you ever feel like you say the same thing over and over to your kids?  Do things come out of your mouth that your mom said to you?  If so, you should enjoy this.  Happy Friday!!!

Why we love children!

I got this from a friend today and just had to post it.  I have no idea who compiled the list so I have no source to list.  If you are the author or know the author, please let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.

If only we saw the world through kids eyes!  Enjoy!

Why We Love Children!

1)  NUDITY:  I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2)  OPINIONS:  On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3)  KETCHUP:  A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4)  MORE NUDITY:   A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5)  POLICE # 1:  While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"  "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.  "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"  "Yes, that's right," I told her.  "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6)  POLICE # 2:  It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.  "It sure is," I replied.  Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7)  ELDERLY:   While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8)  DRESS-UP:  A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not,darling?"  "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

9)  DEATH:  While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes." (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10)  SCHOOL:   A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11)  BIBLE:   A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.   "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.   "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think   it's Adam's underwear.

 

Need a Good Laugh???

Do you need a good laugh?  If you do, you'll get a kick out of this story.  It happened to a friend from back home.  Don't worry, she has given me permission to post her story.  I gotta admit, she's quick on her toes!

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."  I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise."

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.  Around 3:00 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.   

Quickly, realizing my husband would wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.  I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed.....3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = midnight.) 

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in and I told him "midnight." He didn't seem upset at all.  Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."  When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh shit", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Family movie night gets a little risque!

Movie night.  A time to bond with the kids and enjoy some wholesome time together.  Since we do a movie night every weekend, we are running a little low on fresh films to watch.  So, while cruising the Netflix library, I stumbled across The NeverEnding Story.  It got four stars, so I thought it must be pretty good never having seen it myself.  I put it in my queue and it arrived earlier this week.

Fast forward to movie night.  We got settled in on the couch and put it in.  My husband and I snickered quietly at how hokey the acting was, the muppet looking creatures and poor special effects.  Yeah, I know.  The movie was made in 1984 so I should probably cut it some slack.  I must admit, I was having a hard time getting beyond the cheesy soundtrack.

We quickly regained our composure after receiving some dirty looks from the kids and got a little further into the story.  Our daughter was thoroughly enjoying the movie laughing out loud and giggling at the lizard/dragon/puppy (you read that correctly).  Our son seemed to enjoy the movie as well, especially when he saw this:

Can you see them?!  The very well endowed statues complete with NIPPLES!  Maybe they are a little hard to see in such a small picture, but on our 42 inch television, they were HUGE.  The hero, Atreyu, had to pass through the 'sphynx's' to get to the oracle who held the answer on how to save, blah, blah, blah... 

As soon as the breasts, I mean sphynx appeared on the screen, our eight (going on thirteen)-year-old-son moaned "ooooooooooooooooooh."  And not in a "whoa, that's cool" kinda way, but more like a  "would ya look at those boobs" followed by uncontrollable giggling.   

Yes, it has started.  The fascination with breasts.  In thinking about it, there have been some subtle signs that he is becoming interested in the female anatomy.  For example, we were watching something on television the other day and a well endowed woman flashed on the screen (clothed of course!) to which he replied "heeeeeeyyyyyyyyy" as in "she was hot!"

Given that this is a kids/family movie, one has to wonder why the film makers felt compelled to put nipples on their stone figures.  Now don't go thinking I'm a prude, because I'm not.  I'm just saying, my baby's only eight!  I'm not ready for this!  And I love how this seen went on....and on...and on...  I mean, come on now, run through the gate already Atreyu!  Must you stop and look back and forth at the sphynx's as you stand just below their enormous ta tas?!!! 

I am very careful in choosing our movies for movie night especially with the content nowadays.  When is the last time you found a really good G-rated movie?!  Even Disney movies are PG anymore!  It is a little disheartening. 

Anyone else out there got a school aged boy whose hormones are kicking in early?!

A Letter to Santa From Mom

I hope all of you are doing well as we draw nearer to the Christmas holiday!  I got this in an e-mail from a friend and thought I would pass it on.  I don't know about you, but with the stress of the holidays, I can always use a good laugh. 

I'm not sure of the source, so if anyone reading this does know the source, please let me know so I can credit where credit is due.  Enjoy!

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

1. I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
2. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
3. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containingtalking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
4. On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.   
5. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children'shearing range and can only be heard by the dog. 
   
6. If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough  time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
7. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be  helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

Momisms

As a mom, I have often surprised myself by saying things that I never thought I would say.  Some things are straight from my mom, e.g., "Don't you look at me that way!"  Others come out of the blue based on the circumstances, e.g., "We do not use pens as nose pickers!"

Some friends and I were discussing our "momisms"about a week ago on a girls night out.  They were a source of a lot of laughter.  There were too many to remember, but there is one that stuck out:   

"We do not use orange markers to color our butt crack!" (said the mother to her two year old son hiding in the closet coloring his bare bottom.)

Do you have a funny momism?  Do share!

Linky Love Sunday!

It's Sunday and you know what that means:  Linky Love Sunday!  I apologize for missing last week, but with the holiday and all I didn't have the opportunity to cruise the blogs like I would like :(

On the upside, I have made it a priority this week to check out some of my favorites to share with you.  I've found some fantastic new blogs so I hope you cruise their way and spread the love:

In Candy Crack, Mocha Mom debates the pros and cons of schools removing vending machines.

The Crazy Bloggin' Canuck shares her struggles to prepare for a Labor Day celebration.

Busy Mom discusses a new fashion trend in The Isles of Manpri.

And finally, a new find:  My Kids are Pigs.  Moms vent and comment on their kids inability to pick up after themselves.  I can so relate to this.

Have a great Sunday and we will resume our discussion of parenting styles on Monday.  Until then!